This Day

We each need to discover for ourselves how to live ‘this day’ in faithful surrender to God as we continue to ‘work out our salvation with fear and trembling’ (Phil. 2:12).  "One day at a time," that’s what I keep telling myself.  I am in a place in my life where I really feel that God is asking me for my time.  It’s a very difficult thing for me to ‘be still’ for so long.  I have been home from the mission field for about four months now and still have no job or real direction for the future and yet I feel God telling me to be patient and wait on Him.  I know He is teaching me so much and that I desperately need this time with Him and I hope to continue to take inventory of what He's been saying, to process it, to study it carefully, and to allow it to transform me, but this takes time and effort and focused attention and is not accomplished without a battle.  I still feel the need to be ‘doing’ something.  I’ve done some exploring and have looked into various job possibilities and ministry opportunities and have asked the Lord for His direction each step of the way.  Some things He says no to right away while there have been other opportunities that He has let me explore further and take steps to getting involved and yet it always seems to come to an end.  This last opportunity I was exploring, I was very excited about and yet I did not have peace to pursue it further so I started asking God why and I heard Him whispering, "you’re not ready, there is more I want to do in you."  But I have so many people asking, "what are you going to do?"  "What comes next?"  "What's your plan?"  And the truth is...I simply don't know.   I don't have a plan but I find myself wanting to give them an answer, not just to satisfy their curiosity but more to make myself feel important again - to make it appear that I'm needed and wanted somewhere - that I have something to offer and then I am reminded of how easy it is, especially in this culture to establish and look for my identity and value on the basis of some defined function rather than in the God who created me for nothing less than Himself.  This world is so full of noise that claws at a person's soul seeking their attention and devotion.  I believe we are all in desperate need to hear more of His divine voice, to hear His comforting whisper that restores our sense of balance and guidance, that reaffirms our personal value in heavenly terms so that we don't need to seek value from any other source.  If God is asking me for my time and devotion and I am indeed hearing Him speak in ways that I often don’t hear when my life is busy, why would I ever want to fill my life with something that I know will begin to drown Him out?  Some may view that as being irresponsible, some may think its just plain lazy but I want to learn how to better rest in His presence, trusting Him to guide me in ‘this day,’ knowing that my life is in His hands.  My first priority in life needs to be pursuing Christ and this requires deliberate pursuit and attentiveness.  There is nothing else that really matters.  “He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked” (1 Jn. 2:6).  This is the question I am asking of the Lord, "show me what it means to walk as You walked, not according to my culture, not according to my church, not according to my upbringing or even the other believers around me, but may I learn to look only to You and Your Word, to hear Your voice as You speak directly to my heart, and to allow You by the power of Your Holy Spirit to work out Your life through me as I learn to surrender daily to You, trusting that Your grace is perfected in my weakness and though I will still fail, You continue to be God and Your calling on my life remains the same."  More on this idea later…