I am what I am

“For I am the least of the apostles, unworthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God.  But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain.  On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.”  (1 Cor. 15:9-10)

“By the grace of God I am what I am.”  I like this statement.  It stood out to me in my quiet time this morning and I love that Paul says this right after he says he is unworthy to be called an apostle.  Paul had been a Pharisee and had persecuted many of God’s people but Paul was created exactly the way God wanted him to be and after Jesus appears to Paul on the road to Damascus his life is forever changed.  Paul gives his life to the one true Lord and the Lord uses Paul’s zealousness for His kingdom purposes and calls Paul a ‘chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel.’  When submitted to the Lord, Paul ends up doing many great things and instead of persecuting believers; he becomes an advocate for the gospel.  I find this very encouraging.

A friend once told me that we don’t need to apologize for who we are because we are exactly as God wants us to be and it is all for His glory, though we may not understand it all now, one day it will be made clear.  Yes there is plenty of refining that needs to take place and praise the Lord that He is continually working in us to form us into more of His image.  But we should be confident in who He has made us to be and embrace it rather than trying to be someone or something we’re not. 

I think of my desire for fun, excitement, adventure and passion in my life and of my longings to know and feel love, acceptance, understanding, and intimacy (just to name a few) and how outside of my life with God those things are quite a dangerous combination and can get me into a lot of trouble and lead me far away from how God intends for those characteristics and desires to be used.  But when I see these things in myself and realize that God put them within me for a reason, I am sure I cannot even begin to imagine what God could do if I would yield myself completely to Him and learn to allow Him only to meet each of my needs and desires; what amazing adventures we could go on, what perfect love I find in His presence, and what excitement there is when through His grace and by His power I see others come to know Him too!

I want to do great things for God but I feel I am so often held back by fear.  I want to be able to release all my fears to Him knowing that there is something far more important than the fear and to remember that I belong to Him and am therefore never alone.  Lord, help me to place full confidence in You knowing that You do not make mistakes and help me to know who I am in You and by Your grace to lose all consciousness of anything of self so that Your glory may be seen through me and in me.  Help me abandon myself to You realizing that you are enough and that by Your grace I am what I am.  I have tried many times to manage myself and to make myself who I think I ought to be or who I think others want or expect me to be but I continue to fail and am left feeling dissatisfied.  I want to give myself up to You – to allow You to work in me all the good pleasure of Your will, according to your promise and make me into a vessel for Your own honor, sanctified and useful for You my Master and prepared for every good work (I Tim. 2:21). Help me rest and to trust in You and Your work continually and absolutely.  I want to be a reflection of You my Savior in the unique way You have created me to show forth Your image.